Monday, January 21, 2013

Day 15.....


Not real sure if it's because I don't feel good, or that I am super weak lately but I swear everything that I have had no problem doing, or eating these past few days all of the sudden became gross and makes me want to puke.

I knew I couldn't do this.   Laying in bed last night I listened to my stomach growling again, after I had eaten TWO cuties (small tangelos) to try and make the hunger pains stop.  I began to panic, doing the math in my head that I do not have enough spark, to last me the rest of this challenge.

You see...that's the crazy thing...  this advocare is wonderful, if you have money.  I was lucky enough to have someone help me get the stuff for the challenge, to go ahead and start it.  Didn't think I would have to continue to purchase these things just to maintain...  I don't see how I can successfully do this when I don't have a steady job..paycheck or anything coming in right now.  Being a photographer is awesome and wonderful...as long as you don't depend on it to  I dunno...SURVIVE. 

Discouraged isn't even the word. 

I had to gag my way through the 7 pills this morning.  Drinking the meal replacement shake was pure torture and the thought of eating another salad and turkey burger right now makes me want to cry. 

I am so fat, and morbidly obese I can't even change my life without burnout. 

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS??

I feel horrible. I look even worse.  I just hope this is being sick, or even the flu.  I can't BE this hungry and survive.  I can't sit there and smell food and want to cry because I can't even eat it.

why is this so hard for me?

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