One day, it'll be me...

Something is making me very very sick, and it has me extremely upset.  I will attempt to finish the challenge.. I have to...to show my kids that I stick to something when I start it but I swear...if I take another pill I'm going to puke.

Between the advo pills, and the antibiotics, the antihistamine and bc pill i ingest enough pills to be a pharmacy.

My jeans, well capri pants that are a size 24 (a tight 24 I may add) went on last night with ease, and they didn't strangle me when I sat down :)  Why capri pants in the winter you ask?

Because the pants I bought from Torrid 3 weeks ago fall off me after about 15 minutes :) That's good..and bad.  Now I have NO pants to wear!!

Mardi Gras trip 2013 is coming in 14 days. OMG. Two weeks from today I will be standing in the french quarter elbowing skinny girls for their loot :D

Day 19 is a gloomy day.  Going to have to say goodbye to our car soon I am sure. Joe smacked ANOTHER deer yesterday morning and the car is desperately hanging on by a thread.  He's such a Mr. Fixit and I am sure he'll attempt to fix the car on his own...but it may drive me crazy in the process.
Gonna finish my 2 bottles of water and get caught up on some housework. Feeling a little better today.

Day 18...and day 17.can I erase those days??

Hi. My name is Shelly and I officially screwed up my challenge.

SLAP ME.

I've been sick, and didn't think much was wrong but obviously I had some type of staff infection because I was down with fever/vomiting/shakes the past couple of days.  All in which I stayed hydrated, but not to the caliber of a gallon a day, because of my inability to get up without getting dizzy.  I missed yesterdays lunch pills and meal replacement shake, and all of todays meds.  And...I caved and ate pizza hut last night.

It was thin crust...I know that doesn't make it any better and it was cheese pizza...no...doesn't make it any better I know.  I'm out of waters, out of groceries...and to make matters worse my husband pretty much totaled our car out this morning with another deer.

The car is a deer magnet.  I hit a deer in that same car, a week before our wedding.

I don't know what to do. I can't very well brown up deer meat and serve it in a bowl tonight...we are out of everything and the people who I so love the most aren't available to give me a lift to go to the store.

I ate pizza :( Just ate some tortilla chips for lunch bc I am out of food, and I can't drink another shake right now.

WHY IS EVERYTHING MAKING ME GAG?? I wonder if its just the smell of the stuff or the fact that i have been ingesting this stuff for 18 days.  I must finish.  I must push through...

Oh. My stomach hurts.  Badly. 

Kicking nicotine was easy compared to this.  WHY you ask?  Because I could just NOT buy cigarettes.   I HAVE to buy food.
This is so expensive I don't really know how I can do this.   I usually spend about sixty bucks a week on groceries for our family of 4.  Sad.  One income sucks.  This sacrifices alot.  Not alot of luxuries like chips and ice cream here.  You want to know what I've spent weekly trying to stay healthy? $175. 

Why is it so hard to stay healthy?  The shit is outrageously expensive.  Not to mention our store doesn't carry alternatives for pasta.  So driving 40 miles out of the way for those groceries is added expense.

Maybe I should just stop eating.

Day 16, attack of the sickness....

Day 16 was met with feeling pretty bad, and not leaving the bed all day yesterday.

Except to eat...and that was a massive fail..

I messed up yesterday morning and weighed, because I had felt particularly optimistic, and wanted to log my progress. Yeah, that didn't work out the way I had planned.

Gained a pound.  Maybe it was water weight?  I'll keep telling myself that...

So yesterday morning I limped my way into the kitchen,  and proceeded to mix up my spark, and take my prebreakfast pill packet.  I dropped two of the pills and they went right into the air vent, and then I spilled majority of the spark powder all over the table.

Yeah, it was going to be a bad day.  Did I mention all of this happened about 10 am?  Yeah...late start indeed but at least I was attempting to get on track.  The day didn't get any better after that so I proceeded to go lay down, and watch Army Wives on netflix.


Oh. My.  That show is so SAD!!!!!!!!!!  But I am hooked.  Maybe I can do some jumping jacks or something while I watch it...it has me glued to the tv.

Afternoon time comes and I figure I better eatsomething.  SO I go to get up, and the diziness takes me down.  So I ate some hamburger helper with deer meat leftover from the night before that I had made for the family.  IT was heavenly.. and so illegal on this challenge.  The noodles... so good and so bad.

Fever strikes around 3 and it totally has me drained and confined to the bed....and doubt sets in.  I made myself get up and make dinner (rotel mexican chicken)  It was yummy. I just made a part for me that didn't contain cheese, or the chips.   I totally think I overdosed on antibiotics yesterday bc I actually feel alot better today, and there has been no fever.   My pride was hurt yesterday a bit but I am back on track today...

Just as soon as I finish this episode of army wives.....

Don't weigh until day 24...

Yeah that shut didn't work out.

I weighed today.

Gained a pound? I think this digital scale is a bitch.

So I ate hamburger helper for lunch a) because I had fever and let's face it nobody is gonna bring me soup and b) I couldn't stand long enough to cook.

Defeated? No
Pissed? Yessir

Day 15 was a doozy.....

Waking up feeling like doodoo didn't help any yesterday. The attitude that followed made me thankful for my army wives marathon.

Stupidity. Seems like I am slammed in the face constantly with it. That, and getting stabbed in the back by people who pretend to be friends. I was good, didn't cheat on the challenge and continue to feel horrible today. Didn't get any sleep last night. Was in alot of pain.

Not real spunky today... I'm sure I will perk up sooner or later but I think I need a long nap....

Day 15.....

Not real sure if it's because I don't feel good, or that I am super weak lately but I swear everything that I have had no problem doing, or eating these past few days all of the sudden became gross and makes me want to puke.

I knew I couldn't do this.   Laying in bed last night I listened to my stomach growling again, after I had eaten TWO cuties (small tangelos) to try and make the hunger pains stop.  I began to panic, doing the math in my head that I do not have enough spark, to last me the rest of this challenge.

You see...that's the crazy thing...  this advocare is wonderful, if you have money.  I was lucky enough to have someone help me get the stuff for the challenge, to go ahead and start it.  Didn't think I would have to continue to purchase these things just to maintain...  I don't see how I can successfully do this when I don't have a steady job..paycheck or anything coming in right now.  Being a photographer is awesome and wonderful...as long as you don't depend on it to  I dunno...SURVIVE. 

Discouraged isn't even the word. 

I had to gag my way through the 7 pills this morning.  Drinking the meal replacement shake was pure torture and the thought of eating another salad and turkey burger right now makes me want to cry. 

I am so fat, and morbidly obese I can't even change my life without burnout. 

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS??

I feel horrible. I look even worse.  I just hope this is being sick, or even the flu.  I can't BE this hungry and survive.  I can't sit there and smell food and want to cry because I can't even eat it.

why is this so hard for me?

I seriously don't remember what day I'm on...14? 15?

The hubby is messing with my computer this morning so I am blogging from my mobile app. Yay for tiny typing.

I think I'm on day 14. Or 15. Ill just go until I run out of pills and shakes :).

I didn't overdose on pickles last night or snack with joe. I was good and ate my piece of fruit ( ate a tangelo) and went to bed stomach a growling again.

Went grocery shopping at Walmart yesterday and stocked up for a week.

Me being a fat chick I do have my favorite foods. One of my favorites was Philly cheesesteak pizza from Walmart. I had it once and it disappeared. For months I looked at the fresh pizzas to see if it was there and nothing.

Guess what was in the deli case yesterday. Yep. I laughed, cursed and then walked away from it.

Relearning and deprigramming is hard. I still get mad and in my brain I will say "screw this, ill just eat some fries". But then i remember I beat nicotine almost 11 months ago. I can do this!!

Was almost derailed yesterday. Joe was hungry after Walmart and he said "you've done good just eat a dollar burger". I was dizzy and hungry after shopping and didn't have access to anything to snack on. He drove to Wendy's and I had already decided I was going to get a side salad and the kids copped an attitude and said they weren't hungry. Lol. Victory!! Thanks to mouthy teenagers we went home :)

Had taco salad again last night. I did good. Feeling good today and ready for photo sessions today :)