Who needs a diet with kitchen renovations....

My house looks as if a tornado hit it. And I am not playing. Everything is out of place. I have a keurig and dishes in my bathroom. I have my sink outside in the carport. I have cabinets stacked in my LIVInG ROOM. As I sit here in my room I gander at the 3 boxes of dishes and pots. I asked michaela to go put her drink cup on the counter last night and Michaela said "what counter". Yeah. War zone. Today marks official chaos. Tearing out of my stove top. Which means limited cooking. Which either means a whole shit ton of microwave easy Mac or crock pot cooking until my countertops and lower cabinets are set. But where can I put the crockpot???

Smh. I'm hungry.

It's called "diary of a mad fat woman" for a reason....

I really didn't know why I got my hopes up.  I've never been the type of person to abide by "rules" and such structure anyways

Uhm...hello?? Did you see my college grades?? Ha. No...nobody did. Because they were in an abyss called "just give up and go home you are stupid".

My appetite is gone for some reason, and I really don't even have to motivation to eat much lately bc everything is gross to me.  I seriously need to learn more dishes because the ole standards are getting pretty worn out with me.
Last night, I made parmesan crusted pork loin and baked potatoes. Boring and bland I know but my kitchen isn't exactly what you'd call "TOGETHER" right now.  Amist the sheetrock dust, and stain fumes I did little to get dinner going and completed bc of the smell!
My house is so bloomin cold that the stain isn't wanting to dry as fast as most people who maintain their temps in their house at a balmy 70 degrees. It sucks not having central heat...especially in times like this!  Needless to say I am ready for the "kitchen facelift 2013" to be done and it just got started yesterday.  Joe has gotten ambitious and asked our friend to go into the hallway afterwards and sheetrock the hallway. More paint.  Yippee right??

HOME RENOVATIONS SUCK IN PROGRESS!!!!!!!!!! I'm sure they are wonderful completed.  But I've never had a completed one so this should be interesting... :D (no offense to joe, he works super hard long hours and I DO NOT complain)

Well I am off to finish up my last photo session editing, and get ready to go to columbus to the dreaded CPA to settle my taxes for last year. Gotta grab my shoebox of stuff (LOL) and get ready :)

Mardi freakin gras 2013 and pizza ....

Well. I didn't have time to blog this weekend bc I was slammed with photography sessions and prepping my kitchen for demolition this week. Whoever said renovating the week you are leaving to go out of town was a good idea was seriously drunk. D-runk. On top of washing tons of clothes trying to pack essentials and find a way to shove 3 days worth of clothes for 4 people into a car, now I have to see Sheetrock dust, paint, drop cloths, stain, moldings and other miscellaneous items around my house. Did I mention my kitchen is a disaster area??!??!?

Oh. Funny tidbit of info. Joe has lost 9 lbs. turd.
I'm going to start Zumba once we get back from New Orleans. I really should go his week but I just don't want to chance reinjuring my knee before we have to walk 6 miles a day in the French quarter. Ahhhh New Orleans. I may never return....

I had Philly cheesesteak pizza last night and it was divine. Thin crust and I didn't go overboard. I'm still watching my calorie intake and following my no sugar rule (unless its from fruit ). I did Zumba for an entire hour and a half the other night and I felt wonderful. I probably looked like a cow having a seizure while being electrocuted but the endorphins were awesome. I love the "second wind" rush you get. Sometimes I don't get it if I don't work out long enough but it's worth the sweat.

I love Zumba. It makes me happy. Dancing makes me happy. God didn't choose to give me a dancers body visible to eyes. It's in my soul :) I may break a hip but I'm gonna get injured dancing my heart out :)

Off to get ready for the contractors to be here. :)

Neverending chore list...

I drove all over creation today and didn't even get to go look for sweaters for my trip. Traffic in Columbus was horrific (at lunchtime ) and all I wanted to do was go home.

Go home??? Jeez I'm turning into a friggin hermit.

My good friend and hairstylist gena gave me a couple pairs of jeans today and I hope they fit. Man I hope they fit. I got on the scale today and I've gained 4 lbs. what. The. Hell. I hate being fat. I hate not being active enough but just short of walking up and down my driveway I don't exercise enough. Yes. I've tried the dancing work out at home alone. Let's face it. I'm standing in front of my damn couch for shit sakes. Guess who wins every time???

I should want more for myself. I should. It's really hard when the support system I thought I had crumbled. Yeah. Woohoo go Shelly!!! Yeah. As soon as I admitted that the pills were making me sick everyone just pretty much laughed and said "I knew her fat ass couldn't do it".

Well guess what. I will do it. Even if I lost 2 lbs a week it'll be a step in the right direction. No. I'm not skinny. No. I can't wear skinny jeans (obviously) and high heels. No I can't even find a cute jacket to wear bc my arms are huge.
I still can't get out of my head what that girl said on her Facebook. " I want to be skinny and sexy not fat and gross"

You wanna know what's gross?
Skinny bitches who think us fat girls are gross. I hate people with condescending attitudes. I've seen more skinny evil bitches that I think are ugly as hell because of their attitude towards bigger people.
I am not your kicking post. I can kick your skinny ass with just one arm.

Go eat a cheeseburger and take a long walk off a short pier. Ugh.

Headaches, Backstabbers and Mardi Gras....

So lets leave out the fact that my head is pounding so hard right now I can barely focus on the computer screen...

Since I ran out of spark, I have had continuous headaches (even though I haven't had ANY sugar at all or sodas) and I don't like that feeling.  I don't like waking up to a headache...enduring a headache during the day and then going to bed because I have a headache. THIS SUCKS.

Just got through watching the last episode of season 6 of army wives.  I love that show...FINALES always suck major if you ask me but this one...really pissed me off!! Kill off all the main characters on the show??? WTH??
OK..lost myself a bit there. Back to reality.  I still have a few photos left to edit up from the sessions this past weekend, and if weather doesn't act like a douche I should have two sessions this weekend.   Then it's off to

MARDI GRAS BABY!!!!!!!!

I may never return.

Leave out the fact that I've been stabbed in the back by yet ANOTHER fake fairweather "friend" its just been a helluva past couple months. Flanked by poaching "fauxtographers" attempting to snatch clients from me its just been down right peachy.

I'm kidding.  NOT.

Some people should really stick to their jobs of being nosy assholes and watch their soap operas and stay out of my life.  Gah.  I needed to get that off my chest.
8 days till we leave. I haven't eaten anything today yet, but that's mainly bc I need to go to the store..so that may be where my headache has spurred from, that and crying nonstop yesterday.  I've just been moody.  Nah that's an understatement really. I've been downright evil.  But that's only bc I've tried to be a good friend to people, and listened about their screwed up home lives, money problems, etc and then when that person/people are done with me it's like "oh I'll just delete her" or "I'll just stop returning texts and phonecalls"

Fuck it. I am done with that shit.  If someone really wants to be a friend, they will be.

Still eating healthier, ONE day at a time

I didn't post yesterday, because I read something on a friends page and it just kindof rattled me to the point of really questioning peoples definition of me. 
I won't quote what it said directly, but in short terms it said skinny is sexy and fat is gross.


I can assure you I am not gross.  And contrary to what some folks may think, big gals can be quite sexy... I may not like the way I look 100 percent of the time but when I feel damn sexy I show it.   I mean...I have seen a couple peoples statuses before and gotten offended.  I'll quote a few from memory

"Join our weight loss group so you won't be fat and miserable for the new year"
"I'd rather be skinny and sexy than fat and gross"
"Look that fat woman across the waiting room is going to break her chair"

Do me a favor.. If you feel the need to really validate yourself by calling someone fat, or talking about overweight people on your statuses, delete/block or remove me now.. Because this is getting into sensitive territory for me..as I am moody as all get out because I am not losing weight as fast as I'd like.
I ate a damn chocolate bar today. I feel miserable because I did. I had a momentary lapse of "I don't give a shit" attitude and I ate it.  It was really good and I automatically regretted doing it.  I'll lose weight..I just have to find out why I am so addicted to food... and choose to eat food when I get upset.

Yes. I've been upset. SHOCK.

Its no big deal. I tend to blow things out of proportion but it all boils down to "I wonder if they think I am good enough".  Yes. I wonder that. In life, and ESPECIALLY in photography.  In the world of "oh I can do that for cheaper than her" or "oh..I can do THAT gimme a camera" it's hard to prove myself.  And in the oh-so-fabulous world of momtographers in this area..backstabbing and poaching is a normal occurence.

Ha. I got out of high school and chose the most HIGH SCHOOL like profession in the world.  Catty women, backstabbers, manipulators and copycats.   Yay me!!

I haven't weighed since I stopped the advocare challenge.  Call me scared, stupid, or just plain idiotic but I am afraid to weigh myself.  I still haven't had a soft drink...but I haven't been ingesting a gallon of water a day. My tap water basically has things floating in it, and bottled water can get pricey when there are 3 other people drinking it too (I won't have cokes in this house..too much temptation).  But NO.  I haven't quit my blog..just won't be a daily thing. 

I reckon I'll refrain from naming this post what I wanted to.....

I guess I've lost my mojo....

In photography I'm doing well as can be limited by my lack of adequate equipment...but in LIFE I have lost my mojo.

I guess it took seeing someone call another person "fat" and that person wasn't even close to the definition of fat...to notice that no matter what I do, how successful I try to become, no matter how many hoops, loops and obstacles I jump through I will always be the fat girl.  The photographer in vernon..you know the fat one...
That fat woman who carries a camera to all the games...yeah her...
That big chick who is always at her kids band practices...yeah that's who I'm talking about..

I will never be anything other than what some close minded people see.

Yesterday, I had a couple sessions, and at one of them we were at a park.  I had to lay down on the ground and get photos at eye level (bc I like closeups..) and I noticed someone that had walked by and laughed pointing at me. No..not the baby covered in cake and happy as can be...ME.  The fat chick laying on the ground doing whatever it took to get the shot.  You see...that's the thing.  I have a horrible condition in my knee called Osteoarthritis, because I injured my knee several years ago working, and never had it repaired.  I have whittled away at the cartliage in my knee due to my obesity and now my right knee is bone, on bone.  It hurts. Every day it hurts...squatting, kneeling, walking, running are a few of the things that I struggle to do every single day.  Sad really. I'm 34 years old and falling apart.   But the point of my story is...people don't care that you are a good person if they don't KNOW you...all they see is the exterior.
I try and dress nice. It's hard.  You know how much an average pair of jeans costs a plus size gal? $90.  Yes. Lane Bryant, Torrid...all jeans average that price.  Walmart has pants, that are elastic wasted horrible jeans that I could never even think of wearing...but its very expensive.  I can't afford to even give myself an adequate wardrobe bc of all the extra fabric needed.

I have all but given up on the advocare supplements. I'll keep them around and use the last few shakes as needed, and the appetite suppresant pills will come in handy.  I've just come to the conclusion that it's all in what I eat...and being active.  Its very hard for me to work out...bc of my knee but I am going to start walking with my kids at the park if they will be seen with me and once I get strong enough to be seen in public working out, I may go back to zumba.  Lord knows I don't want to be "the fat chick in the back" of the workout studio.  I guess I'll have to get over the fact that people are always going to notice that about me.

You know something else about me?  

I sing.  I am a classically trained singer, who studied in college for music education and vocal music double major.  I love to sing. My dream was to go to nashville.  I tried out for our college group "campus country" and I was told I didn't have the image for nashville.  Then he picked the pretty, thin bleach blonde that had performed faith hill after me...to be in the group.  I know I'll never "make it" in the music business...but that's the thing... he stopped me 30 seconds into my number.  30 seconds.  Woulda coulda shoulda I guess but there are so many things about me that people don't even give me the chance..bc of my obesity.

I'll lose the weight.  Just won't be the way I thought.  But I am on day 21 of the challenge, and I have officially given up...but I haven't had a soft drink or sugar in 21 days.  So this did help me accomplish something.  I read labels now... I count calories now.  I'm more aware of healthy foods now.  So it has changed my life.  Just not in the obvious way that I thought. 

One day, it'll be me...

Something is making me very very sick, and it has me extremely upset.  I will attempt to finish the challenge.. I have to...to show my kids that I stick to something when I start it but I swear...if I take another pill I'm going to puke.

Between the advo pills, and the antibiotics, the antihistamine and bc pill i ingest enough pills to be a pharmacy.

My jeans, well capri pants that are a size 24 (a tight 24 I may add) went on last night with ease, and they didn't strangle me when I sat down :)  Why capri pants in the winter you ask?

Because the pants I bought from Torrid 3 weeks ago fall off me after about 15 minutes :) That's good..and bad.  Now I have NO pants to wear!!

Mardi Gras trip 2013 is coming in 14 days. OMG. Two weeks from today I will be standing in the french quarter elbowing skinny girls for their loot :D

Day 19 is a gloomy day.  Going to have to say goodbye to our car soon I am sure. Joe smacked ANOTHER deer yesterday morning and the car is desperately hanging on by a thread.  He's such a Mr. Fixit and I am sure he'll attempt to fix the car on his own...but it may drive me crazy in the process.
Gonna finish my 2 bottles of water and get caught up on some housework. Feeling a little better today.

Day 18...and day 17.can I erase those days??

Hi. My name is Shelly and I officially screwed up my challenge.

SLAP ME.

I've been sick, and didn't think much was wrong but obviously I had some type of staff infection because I was down with fever/vomiting/shakes the past couple of days.  All in which I stayed hydrated, but not to the caliber of a gallon a day, because of my inability to get up without getting dizzy.  I missed yesterdays lunch pills and meal replacement shake, and all of todays meds.  And...I caved and ate pizza hut last night.

It was thin crust...I know that doesn't make it any better and it was cheese pizza...no...doesn't make it any better I know.  I'm out of waters, out of groceries...and to make matters worse my husband pretty much totaled our car out this morning with another deer.

The car is a deer magnet.  I hit a deer in that same car, a week before our wedding.

I don't know what to do. I can't very well brown up deer meat and serve it in a bowl tonight...we are out of everything and the people who I so love the most aren't available to give me a lift to go to the store.

I ate pizza :( Just ate some tortilla chips for lunch bc I am out of food, and I can't drink another shake right now.

WHY IS EVERYTHING MAKING ME GAG?? I wonder if its just the smell of the stuff or the fact that i have been ingesting this stuff for 18 days.  I must finish.  I must push through...

Oh. My stomach hurts.  Badly. 

Kicking nicotine was easy compared to this.  WHY you ask?  Because I could just NOT buy cigarettes.   I HAVE to buy food.
This is so expensive I don't really know how I can do this.   I usually spend about sixty bucks a week on groceries for our family of 4.  Sad.  One income sucks.  This sacrifices alot.  Not alot of luxuries like chips and ice cream here.  You want to know what I've spent weekly trying to stay healthy? $175. 

Why is it so hard to stay healthy?  The shit is outrageously expensive.  Not to mention our store doesn't carry alternatives for pasta.  So driving 40 miles out of the way for those groceries is added expense.

Maybe I should just stop eating.

Day 16, attack of the sickness....

Day 16 was met with feeling pretty bad, and not leaving the bed all day yesterday.

Except to eat...and that was a massive fail..

I messed up yesterday morning and weighed, because I had felt particularly optimistic, and wanted to log my progress. Yeah, that didn't work out the way I had planned.

Gained a pound.  Maybe it was water weight?  I'll keep telling myself that...

So yesterday morning I limped my way into the kitchen,  and proceeded to mix up my spark, and take my prebreakfast pill packet.  I dropped two of the pills and they went right into the air vent, and then I spilled majority of the spark powder all over the table.

Yeah, it was going to be a bad day.  Did I mention all of this happened about 10 am?  Yeah...late start indeed but at least I was attempting to get on track.  The day didn't get any better after that so I proceeded to go lay down, and watch Army Wives on netflix.


Oh. My.  That show is so SAD!!!!!!!!!!  But I am hooked.  Maybe I can do some jumping jacks or something while I watch it...it has me glued to the tv.

Afternoon time comes and I figure I better eatsomething.  SO I go to get up, and the diziness takes me down.  So I ate some hamburger helper with deer meat leftover from the night before that I had made for the family.  IT was heavenly.. and so illegal on this challenge.  The noodles... so good and so bad.

Fever strikes around 3 and it totally has me drained and confined to the bed....and doubt sets in.  I made myself get up and make dinner (rotel mexican chicken)  It was yummy. I just made a part for me that didn't contain cheese, or the chips.   I totally think I overdosed on antibiotics yesterday bc I actually feel alot better today, and there has been no fever.   My pride was hurt yesterday a bit but I am back on track today...

Just as soon as I finish this episode of army wives.....

Don't weigh until day 24...

Yeah that shut didn't work out.

I weighed today.

Gained a pound? I think this digital scale is a bitch.

So I ate hamburger helper for lunch a) because I had fever and let's face it nobody is gonna bring me soup and b) I couldn't stand long enough to cook.

Defeated? No
Pissed? Yessir

Day 15 was a doozy.....

Waking up feeling like doodoo didn't help any yesterday. The attitude that followed made me thankful for my army wives marathon.

Stupidity. Seems like I am slammed in the face constantly with it. That, and getting stabbed in the back by people who pretend to be friends. I was good, didn't cheat on the challenge and continue to feel horrible today. Didn't get any sleep last night. Was in alot of pain.

Not real spunky today... I'm sure I will perk up sooner or later but I think I need a long nap....

Day 15.....

Not real sure if it's because I don't feel good, or that I am super weak lately but I swear everything that I have had no problem doing, or eating these past few days all of the sudden became gross and makes me want to puke.

I knew I couldn't do this.   Laying in bed last night I listened to my stomach growling again, after I had eaten TWO cuties (small tangelos) to try and make the hunger pains stop.  I began to panic, doing the math in my head that I do not have enough spark, to last me the rest of this challenge.

You see...that's the crazy thing...  this advocare is wonderful, if you have money.  I was lucky enough to have someone help me get the stuff for the challenge, to go ahead and start it.  Didn't think I would have to continue to purchase these things just to maintain...  I don't see how I can successfully do this when I don't have a steady job..paycheck or anything coming in right now.  Being a photographer is awesome and wonderful...as long as you don't depend on it to  I dunno...SURVIVE. 

Discouraged isn't even the word. 

I had to gag my way through the 7 pills this morning.  Drinking the meal replacement shake was pure torture and the thought of eating another salad and turkey burger right now makes me want to cry. 

I am so fat, and morbidly obese I can't even change my life without burnout. 

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS??

I feel horrible. I look even worse.  I just hope this is being sick, or even the flu.  I can't BE this hungry and survive.  I can't sit there and smell food and want to cry because I can't even eat it.

why is this so hard for me?

I seriously don't remember what day I'm on...14? 15?

The hubby is messing with my computer this morning so I am blogging from my mobile app. Yay for tiny typing.

I think I'm on day 14. Or 15. Ill just go until I run out of pills and shakes :).

I didn't overdose on pickles last night or snack with joe. I was good and ate my piece of fruit ( ate a tangelo) and went to bed stomach a growling again.

Went grocery shopping at Walmart yesterday and stocked up for a week.

Me being a fat chick I do have my favorite foods. One of my favorites was Philly cheesesteak pizza from Walmart. I had it once and it disappeared. For months I looked at the fresh pizzas to see if it was there and nothing.

Guess what was in the deli case yesterday. Yep. I laughed, cursed and then walked away from it.

Relearning and deprigramming is hard. I still get mad and in my brain I will say "screw this, ill just eat some fries". But then i remember I beat nicotine almost 11 months ago. I can do this!!

Was almost derailed yesterday. Joe was hungry after Walmart and he said "you've done good just eat a dollar burger". I was dizzy and hungry after shopping and didn't have access to anything to snack on. He drove to Wendy's and I had already decided I was going to get a side salad and the kids copped an attitude and said they weren't hungry. Lol. Victory!! Thanks to mouthy teenagers we went home :)

Had taco salad again last night. I did good. Feeling good today and ready for photo sessions today :)

What day is this again??

Being on this challenge isn't hard.  It's making breakfast for your family when you have to take a meal replacement shake that is a real bitch.

I think I overdosed on pickles last night.

The attack of the munchies hit be about 8:00 last night when I was waiting for my child to get home from her honor band.  We all had dinner.  Joe and Michaela ate tacos with beef and soft tortillas and I had ground turkey in taco seasonings, topped with my lime cilantro rotel, a tiny bit of the brown wild rice and lettuce and a couple grape tomatoes.

Oh wow that was wonderful. 


30 minutes later, my stomach was growling. WTH???

My paper says  "evening snack" can be a piece of fruit.  So.  I ate a banana.

This is what my stomach sounds like, AND my mood I've been in lately. 

So. Joe and Michaela had vanilla ice cream.  I ate a banana.  Then joe comes waltzing in the room eating one of MY bananas too.  (insert mean bear growl here).
25 minutes later, joe wants popcorn.

Ass.  Oh btw, he's lost 5 pounds. Turd.

So while he is munching on his buttery, yummy, salted wonderful smelling popcorn (yes, this is torture I love popcorn) I am snacking on a pickle.

All the while my stomach is still growling. WHILE I am eating.   WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?!?!?

So I ate another damn pickle and called it a night. I was closing the kitchen bc I was afraid I'd attack the peanuts, or almonds.   I know I don't have to get full, but man at the growling stomach.  Its enough to drive one person INSANE!!

Day 14 and I am typing to you guys and drinking the meal replacement shake.  Don't really know what's in store today but I do know it's not going to involve two lunches or two dinners!! 

Have a great day guys!!  I need more pickles :D

Hungry and mean...

Ok. So these pills. They say they are supposed to be appetite suppressants? Holy shit I am starving.

Not just " oh I'm a little hungry" it's like "I wonder if I can get away with eating two chicken breasts" hungry. I went to bed again last night with my stomach growling away at me.

I made myself sautéed shrimp, brown wild rice and a salad. The brown wild rice was uh...hard. Is it supposed to be that way? I cooked it for the 40 minutes it said.... Anywho. I ended up not eating much of the rice because it was nasty to me. Crap. I was excited. When zararains has something I can eat its usually good.
Lunch yesterday consisted of a turkey burger patty and a salad and 3 strawberries. Snacks were cashews as usual.

The girls and I worked out around 3 and my arms were really getting sore so I stopped after about 20 minutes. Call me stupid or whatever but I'm not going to hurt myself dancing to a damn wii game.

As I sit here about to mix up my meal replacement breakfast shake (way late...school delayed) i listen to the angry bear sounds again in my stomach.

Oh. Tmi maybe for a second but I swear I can't go anywhere without having to go teetee!! I guess it's the drinking of a gallon of water a day or my body freaking out bc it's never ingested this much water EVER but I thought I was going to DIE in town earlier bc I couldn't go to the bathroom anywhere.

No. I won't go use the bathroom at McDonald's for obvious reasons.

Yes. The food dreams have returned. I dreamed last night I ate macaroni when. The family did and I cried in my dream. Ha. That's kind of funny.

Day 13 :) I'm still standing and mean as all get out. :D

Snow day!!!

Day 12 is here :) 12 more days to go!

Yesterday was definitely different. I was hungry. Like...ravenous hungry. I don't know what I'm doing wrong but to be hungry when you go to bed...is not cool. Maybe I'm doing my portions too small??

Meal replacement shake. Yeah.

Chocolate mocha. You are mocha-ey.

It took me 15 minutes to drink it. Needless to say I couldn't wait for my snack later.

Lunch consisted of a salad and shredded chicken thigh on top and a spoonful of lime cilantro rotel chiles. Yum!!! It was so good I did the same for supper but added a tiny spoon if brown rice. :). I went straight for the cashews for my nighttime snack and then remembered I was supposed to eat fruit!!! Crap!!!!! So I aye a banana.

I was still hungry. So I drank two bottles of water and went to sleep.

The pills were definately something to get used to. There is 7 pills in the morning before breakfast and 5 pills with breakfast, and then 4 at lunch. Can you say OMG??!!?!

Oh. And 3 at dinner. Sheesh. I'm full of water from taking those pills!!

Day 12 awoke to snow falling from the sky and my stomach growling like a mean angry bear. Downed my first round of pills and spark, ready for the day!! Then they cancel school. Snow day! So I make my meal replacement shake, added some ice to the blender and it was a vast improvement.

Have a great day guys :) I'm gonna go throw some snowballs around before all this melts :)))

Feelin fine and at the halfway point!!

Holy sideways PILLS BATMAN!!!

Good morning!!


It's day 11  Hooraayyyyyy!!!!  I think I misspelled that. And that too. Eh.  WOOHOO I made it through the cleanse phase!!

I knew I had to weigh this morning, so last night I went to bed at a normal time, and prepared to get up and look at a scale first thing in the morning.   I didn't think I would wake up at 4:30 ready to weigh in.  I tried to lay back in bed and wait until a more suitable hour, like so 9ish? Ha.  Nope.  My brain knew that I needed to weigh and I couldn't get that out of my head.


Ahem.

I have lost 8 pounds.

How could such a small little number make me so happy?  Go pick up something that weighs 8 pounds. :)  That's how much I have lost baby!!!!

I told Joe to weigh this morning, and he laughed and walked out of the room.  He's been struggling during this transition time.   Last night I made chicken thighs, cooked in the crock pot all day, and chicken rice (for them) and peas.  I made him a good size plate but I guess he's just as used to the carbs and starches as I was.  He was still hungry so he proceeded to eat one of my bananas, and then sit in bed and eat snack size snickers next to me.  Guess what?!?!

I didn't beat him to death!! Yay me for not wanting chocolate!!

I took a chicken thigh, deboned and removed the skin, shredded it, and added a spoon full of lime cilantro chile rotel (straight from the can) and a tiny MINUTE amount of brown rice and stirred it all up.  Yes. It was good...sinfully good. Or maybe that's because I am so desperate to eat something close to flavorful I consider it wonderful. I don't know but my body is getting used to this whole eating healthy thing and I am ready to try new things!!

Oh.  I didn't eat any peas.  Bad Shelly.  I couldn't.  I just couldn't.  They smelled like FEET!!!  Yeah, I know I sound like an 8 year old but my nose is super duper sensitive since I quit smoking ten months ago. 
I did two workouts yesterday and I could barely life my arms by the time I was done with the second workout.  Thank goodness I am in the privacy of my own home because I look pathetic trying to do some of these dance moves.  I mean, I'm a big gal, and I can wiggle with the best of em..but some of these moves on this wii game are kindof...jumpy...if that can be a good description.  No support bra or HARNESS or anything could help keep all this "vagiggle gaggle" (HONEY BOO BOO REFERENCE)

 still so I look completely ridiculous when dancing but hey!! Any movement is good movement when it comes to exercise.

RIGHT?

I took my first round of Max Phase pills already and am currently about to mix up my meal replacement shake for this morning. Can I say one thing??  Trying to take more than two pills will result in one of said pills lodging itself SIDEWAYS in your throat...


 Chocolate Mocha.  I shall let you all know if that is a good flavor or not. ;)  

So I bid you all adieu for the morning.  I may blog again later, or not...ya never know :)

Have a wonderful stupendous fantastically wonderful RAINY day guys.  Maybe once the sun comes out I can actually go walking!!   Until then I leave you with this image...

Not a salesperson by any means...

If some people think what I am doing is a joke, you are wrong. If my struggle is something to mock or make fun of I can surely show you where the x button is. I am getting healthy for ME. Yes. Advocare is somewhat drastic. Yes advocare is expensive. It's a helluva lot cheaper than gastric bypass an other surgeries so pardon me if I try anything I can to lose weight just short of going under the knife. I am not doing this to make money. I am doing this so I can walk a mile and be able to breathe. I'm doing this so I won't have a heart attack before I am 40. I am doing this for LIFE not profitable gain. So don't take my efforts lightly. If I blog, bitch, gripe and cry I do it because I am struggling. Learning how to be healthy when you have never known how is an enormous struggle. Most of you don't understand.

Revenge of the two dinners.

Day 10 is here!! I made it through the cleanse and I am about to drink my last fiber drink :)
Let's all gag in unison.

Nah. It wasn't that bad. It was kinda like drinking a super thick orange juice with pencil shavings ;) I kid. I kid.

This morning was met with delayed school times because its cold and raining. If there is possibility of ice on the road they postpone school so I drove my ladies to school this morning. Yup. McDonald's again. It's a once a week treat for my girls so I must keep my promise. Plus it gives us time to chat in the morning.

I actually kept my windows rolled up while they were eating :). Partially because it was raining but the temptation wasn't as strong. Until my child waived a piece of cheese in my face.

Oh man. Cheese. Those who know me, know that cheese is like a staple for me. Cheese on everything. So I laughed at her and rolled down her window. Hahahhaha. MOM my HAIR!!!! ( that'll teach her heehee)

Back to the topic. Yes. I made two dinners last night. ONLY because I had a thawed package of ground beef in the fridge and challenge or not I do not waste food. I will tell you this, ground beef stinks. Didn't realize it till now. Gag. I made them their "real" spaghetti since I had ruined their dinner from the night before (their words). My girls even had to visibly see the can of ragu, the "white" noodles, and specifically read GROUND BEEF on the package. Let's just say they didn't come up for air to breathe when eating it. Joe too. He was practically licking the bowl by the time I had made my turkey burger and salad.   Anywho... Tonight I am making them chicken thighs and zararains rice. For myself I am making Sautéed SHRIMP in lime cilantro rotel. Odd creation yes. Heartburn? Yes. Yummy? YES. I'm having fun experimenting in the kitchen with this stuff. Maybe ill try salmon next....

Eh. Not likely.

Apart from feeling like a water retaining sea cow, and the cramps I feel wonderful.  I have noticed that I am not as "swollen" hahah looking and my ring did go on without having to apply lotion to my hand first (previous blog).   My kids ate up all of my emergency "I AM HUNGRY" pickles and I shall have to go to the store to stock up on those, until then...back to peanuts at snack time.   I like pickles so much better.  Tomorrow I get to weigh and see what my cleanse phase loss is, and then after that I can't weigh again until day 24. or is it day 25?  Eh..either way I have to keep my butt OFF of the scale so I don't get discouraged.  I know I shouildn't have weighed the other day but I was in such a mood..I was ready to descend upon McDonalds and get a french fry FOR REAL...

Feeling good on day 10 :D